Life is pregnant with experiences and lessons, and during formative educational stages, many individuals navigate a fluctuating and confused inner landscape. For Ahmad, this existential search began in earnest when he commenced reading about Islamic education at the age of 18. Having graduated from the Institute of Teachers in 1969 lacking a strong foundation in religiosity, he found himself turning right and left, consumed by a profound sense of wonder regarding his place in the universe.
Questions began to weigh heavily on his mind: Where is the right path? Have I been created in this life for no purpose? He sensed a deep void, darkness, and dejection within himself. In an attempt to find answers, he would often escape to the wilderness, wandering alone in the dark, hoping to find solace in the quietude of nature. Yet, these solitary excursions invariably ended with him returning home sad and depressed.
A year prior to his graduation, a strange experience began to sweep through his life, marked by an encroaching darkness and mounting anxiety. It was during this vulnerable period that the local Communist Party embraced him. Recognizing his creative inclinations, they began publishing his poems in their journals and magazines. They elaborately illustrated his work and offered lavish praise, boosting his ego to such an extent that he momentarily thought he might be the Expected Mahdi.
Looking back, Ahmad realized that the party’s meticulous praise of every single word in his poetry was merely one of their calculated guiles. When the party sought to prey on or attract an individual, they would carefully study his identity and hobbies, approaching him through the things he desired most. Sensing his deep-seated inclination toward poetry and literature, they took it upon themselves to print and publish his poetic volumes and even organized literary gatherings and sessions specifically for him.
Once they had established this rapport, they began to instill poison in honey. They would take him to specific bookshops and invite him to choose whatever books he liked free of charge—refined, elegantly printed volumes such as Basic Principles of Marxism and The Principles of Communism.
Gradually, their indoctrination tactics shifted from literature to physical environments and political agitation. They would take him to old public cafes. When a luxury US-made car happened to pass by on the street, they would point to it and remark, “Look at that man who rides a car purchased at the expense of the blood of your parents and ancestors. One day, you are going to take it back from him through the great revolution that has started and that shall prevail. We are now preparing for it in Zhofar and in Kuwait, and you shall be one of its leaders.”
Hearing these compelling words, Ahmad felt that the void in his heart was being temporarily filled with ideological zeal. He later reflected that if a human heart is not preoccupied with the love of God, it will inevitably become preoccupied with the love of Satan. The human heart, he observed, is much like a spinning mill: if you put wheat in it, it will produce flour, but if you put gravel in it, it will produce dust.
By the will of the Almighty, it was predestined that three months later, Ahmad would meet the chief of the local cell, who had just returned from a one-month trip to Egypt. On that particular night, the gathered members engaged in behavior that deeply unsettled his core instincts. They kept mocking the Adhan for the Fajr prayer, as their meetings routinely extended from the evening hours right through to dawn. They would spend these nocturnal sessions discussing subjects that felt increasingly foreign and ineligible to him, such as the materialist interpretation of history, or socialism and communism as applied to sex and wealth.
Although they frequently uttered things that directly contradicted his sound instinct, he found himself timidly refraining from arguing with them. Seeing among the group geniuses, intellectuals, men of letters, poets, and writers, he would tell himself, “How can I dare argue with them?” and choose to remain silent.
However, the transgression eventually escalated beyond ideological theory into direct mockery of sacred religious symbols. When the Muezzin’s call rang out and reached the phrase, “Ashhadu anna Muhammadan Rasul-ul-lah [I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah],” the members began to gibe openly at the Prophet of Islam. At that precise moment, Ahmad was swept by a torrential zeal for instinctive faith, realizing later that when Almighty Allah wills good for a person, He facilitates the means to that good.
The tipping point arrived when the chief of the cell shared an anecdote from his recent travels. “I witnessed genuine Communism upon meeting a poet in Egypt, who alone practiced it to the core,” the cell leader boasted.
Curious, Ahmad asked, “How strange! So, what is the sign of that?”
The leader replied, “Upon getting out in the morning, his wife would kiss me good-bye, just as she kisses him, and when going to bed, she would sleep between me and him.”
That was the exact phrasing used—a declaration that would undoubtedly face divine accountability on the Day of Judgment. Hearing those words, Ahmad felt a suffocating darkness clouding his eyes and deep depression infiltrating his heart. He silently questioned the entire ideology: “Is that a worthy thought? Is such freedom? Is it a revolution? No, by the Lord of the World, such is a devilish talk!”
Sensing the moral rot behind the rhetoric, one of the attendees dared to challenge the leader, asking, “O Mr., as long as you consider such practice acceptable, why then don’t you let your wife come to us so that we can all share the pleasure of her company?”
The man replied defensively, “I still suffer the junk of Bourgeoisie and the remains of backwardness; but the day shall come, when we can all dispose of it.”
This disturbing incident marked the catalyst for a major shift in Ahmad’s life. He began actively seeking out different company, distancing himself from the communist circle until Almighty Allah guided him to meet a new group of fellow brothers at a local Dewaniya. These acquaintances maintained a routine of daily prayers and would walk down to the beach after the `Asr prayer, with their most serious transgression being nothing more harmful than playing cards.
One day, one of these new friends approached him with an intriguing proposition. “O brother Ahmad,” he said, “people mention the name of a sheikh who had come from Egypt to Kuwait, named Hassan Ayyub, and they praise his daring eloquence. Shall you come with me to attend his lessons?”
Intrigued, Ahmad replied, “Well, let’s go.”
Together, they went to the local mosque, performed their ablutions, and offered the Maghrib prayer, which was due at the time. Following the prayer, Sheikh Hassan Ayyub stood up to address the congregation, deliberately refusing to sit on a chair. With his distinguished grey hair and beard, the Sheikh spoke with profound emphasis. An inspiring, faith-cementing force seemed to gush forth from his mouth, and his words struck the listeners like cannonballs. As the sermon concluded, Ahmad felt as though he had stepped out of one world and into entirely another, leaving behind a realm of darkness and entering a realm of light.
It was the first time in his life that he truly perceived the right path and realized his core purpose: why he was created, what he was required to do in this life, and what his ultimate destination was.
So moved was he by the experience that he could not bear to leave the mosque without hugging and shaking hands with the Sheikh. When his companion asked for his immediate impression of the gathering, Ahmad simply told him, “Just keep silent, and you shall see my impression in a few days.”
True to his word, upon returning home that very night, Ahmad purchased all the recorded lectures of Sheikh Hassan Ayyub. He spent the entire night listening to the tapes continuously until the sun rose. When his mother brought him food the next morning, he refrained from eating, entirely consumed by the audio recordings while weeping warmly. He felt as though he had been born anew and welcomed into an entirely new world. Embracing his newfound faith, he developed a deep love for the Prophet Muhammad, making him his ultimate role model and ideal. He dedicated himself to reading the Prophet’s biography and listening to recordings about his life until he had memorized his journey from birth to death.