Years after the final bell of high school rings, memories of past behaviors can occasionally resurface, casting a long shadow over adulthood. For many individuals, lingering remorse over youthful mistakes—such as bullying a classmate—can become a heavy psychological and spiritual burden. Recently, a prominent Islamic scholar addressed this universal dilemma, providing definitive guidance on how individuals should approach amends when faced with the ghost of teenage misconduct, particularly regarding whether obligations extend beyond the victim to their parents.
The inquiry, answered by renowned Islamic scholar and SeekersGuidance Executive Director Shaykh Faraz Rabbani, centered on a specific moral dilemma: If an individual bullied a classmate during their teenage years, is it necessary to seek forgiveness from the victim’s parents—who were originally the ones to lodge formal complaints with the school administration—or does seeking the direct victim’s forgiveness completely suffice?
Addressing the query, Shaykh Rabbani emphasized that the persistence of this guilt, even years after the fact, is a testament to an active and conscientious heart. In the framework of traditional Islamic jurisprudence, specifically within the Hanafi school of thought, moral transgressions and wrongs are distinctly categorized into two separate spheres. Sincere repentance is typically sufficient to lift a wrong committed exclusively against the Divine. However, when a wrong involves another human being—known in Islamic legal terminology as huquq al-ibad—repentance and absolution are only fully realized when the right is formally returned or settled with the specific individual who holds it. Bullying falls squarely into this second category, meaning the right belongs solely to the person who was directly harmed.
The guidance clarifies that while the victim’s parents undoubtedly suffered real distress during the ordeal, and their intervention through school complaints was a natural manifestation of parental protection, their grief does not translate into an independent claim that the perpetrator must discharge. The offender took nothing material from the parents, nor did they directly assail the parents’ personal honor. Therefore, according to the legal parameters outlined by the scholar, settling the matter directly with the former classmate fulfills the primary human obligation.
However, the process of seeking direct amends is not always straightforward, especially as years pass and lives diverge. Shaykh Rabbani noted that the standard rule of seeking a direct pardon applies primarily when the approach can be made cleanly and constructively. Drawing upon classical scholarly precedents, such as the seminal works of Imam al-Ghazali in his Ihya Ulum al-Din, the guidance highlights crucial exceptions to this rule. If approaching a former classmate or their family threatens to reopen wounds that have long since healed, expose a past that has been mercifully concealed by time, or cause fresh emotional and psychological harm, the requirement for a direct approach falls away. Turning up unexpectedly at a former classmate’s family home years later is precisely the kind of scenario these traditional legal exceptions were designed to prevent.
In situations where a direct apology is either impossible or counterproductive, alternative avenues are prescribed to fulfill spiritual and moral obligations. Referencing traditions from the authentic sayings of the Prophet Muhammad, the scholar underscored that a believer should seek release from wrongs while the opportunity remains. When direct contact is unfeasible or risks disturbing the peace of the wronged party, alternative paths of restitution become available.
These alternative measures include offering sincere supplications for the former classmate by name during private prayers, a practice grounded in prophetic traditions indicating that prayers offered for an absent brother are readily answered. Additionally, performing acts of charity on behalf of the wronged individual, regardless of how modest the contribution might be, serves as a means of balancing the scales of justice. Most importantly, the guidance stresses that no direct contact should be initiated with the parents, as no independent obligation is owed to them in this context.
The counsel concludes with a reassuring perspective for those burdened by long-standing guilt. Acknowledging that the hardest part—honestly naming and confronting one’s past actions—has already been achieved, the guidance encourages individuals to complete the necessary spiritual steps, close the chapter, and move forward. An individual who carries remorse years later for a schoolyard mistake is viewed not as someone abandoned by the Divine, but rather as someone whose conscience remains sensitive and receptive to moral growth.
Shaykh Faraz Rabbani, who authored this guidance, is a recognized authority in Islamic sciences. Having spent a decade studying under esteemed traditional scholars in Damascus and Amman—including the late theologian Shaykh Adib al-Kallas and Hanafi jurist Shaykh Hassan al-Hindi—he returned to North America in 2007 to establish SeekersGuidance. An accomplished author and educator whose contributions have consistently placed him among influential global figures, Shaykh Rabbani continues to provide reliable, accessible guidance addressing contemporary ethical and spiritual challenges.